


Not My Fault

by PhoenixWillRise



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Gen, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Levi gets attacked, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-blaming, Triggers, protective!Nico, supportive friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-03-29 17:24:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19024513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixWillRise/pseuds/PhoenixWillRise
Summary: Levi is attacked on his way to Nico's place.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ***This does contain sexual assault of a major character. Don't read if it triggers you.***

Levi was exhausted as he walked the last couple of blocks to his boyfriend's apartment. He’d had a fun night out with his friends, drinking and he couldn’t really remember but he was pretty sure he and Taryn were kicked out for attempting to dance on the bar. Overall the cool night air was slowly sobering him up as he texted back and forth with Nico who was waiting to eat the late dinner he had slaved over tonight.

He was tired but pleased with himself today it had been a busy one in the O.R. and he’d been part of multiple surgeries. He really felt like he was establishing himself as a serious, competent doctor who worked well under pressure.

He felt his phone vibrate with a notification.

_ Nico <3 : sent an image* _

Levi could feel his mouth water at the sight of his favorite Dak Galbi (Korean Spicy Chicken Stir Fry).

His boyfriend was the best. A doctor and a chef...the man was a force to be reckoned with.

The intern texted a drooling/hungry emoji and a “can’t wait honey!”

He looked behind him, feeling the oddest sensation that he was being followed. He crossed it off as his usual paranoia playing mind games with him as he walked down the dark streets.

Levi was about to text Nico that he was almost there, that if Nico could meet him outside in 15 minutes because that feeling that someone was watching him was getting worse and worse-

He felt an arm suddenly curl itself around his waist, his feet left the ground, his screams of surprise  were silenced by a glove covered hand slapped over his mouth. His yells were muffled as he was carried like he weighed nothing into an alleyway. A back door was propped open,wide enough for Levi and his attacker to go through. His captor cursed when Levi used his legs to catch on the door frame, haulting him from moving forward but the man overpowered him, as they stumbled into the middle of the dark room. The only light was from a small window above his head where the streetlights peered through.

Levi was roughly pushed against one of the cement pillars in the middle of the room. His attacker’s body felt like a brick wall keeping him immobile against the pillar. He felt rough hands search and pat his body down. Levi felt his earbuds be pulled from his ears and his phone clatter to the pavement. At that moment his phone started to ring startling the captor. Levi took this as his moment to escape.

He pulled free from his attacker frantically searching for the door they’d come through, but his captor was quicker. He was yanked back by his hair. With a punch to his abdomen and a slap to his face he was on the ground, gasping for air.

Levi opened his eyes, squinting at the blurriness. His glasses had landed a few feet away from the hit to the face. He started to scramble to his feet but froze at the sound of the trigger of a gun being cocked sounded near his ear.

“Try that again and I will shoot you.”

Levi’s breathing quickened as he kept his eyes down, his hands clenching as they shook in fear.

“Please please just let me go. I won’t say anything.”

Levi grunted as he was shoved onto his stomach, his face was pressed against the hard gritty pavement. He cried out as sharp pieces of gravel scratched his face. The dirt making the open wound sting.

The man above him was finishing his search by turning out his pockets.

Levi gasped,“Look I have money it's in my wallet, just take it. Please let me go…My my boyfriend he’ll come looking please-”

That paused his captor’s frantic movements. Levi sighed shakily, maybe he would let him go if there was the risk of someone discovering them.

“Boyfriend huh? It's my lucky day isn’t it then. Pretty face like yours and a sweet body. Let’s see how good you are.”

Levi felt like puking at the malice in the man’s voice. Wait did he mean-

The smaller man started thrashing even harder, wanting to desperately get away.

_ This can not be happening no. no. Nooo! _

He felt the man’s heavy weight on his body, effectively trapping him from escaping. He sobbed as his pants and boxers were pulled down to his thighs.

He closed his eyes trying to block out the grunts from the man as he forced himself into Levi. He bit down hard on his lip not wanting to let his attacker know that he was in pain. He gagged on the coppery taste of his blood as he split his lip open.

It felt like hours when they were just minutes, he tried to go through all the steps of procedure he had done with Dr. Grey earlier.

_ Steady hands Schmitt, you can do this. _

Words that had given him such reassurance and confidence now brought him nothing.

Levi winced when his attacker pulled out. He choked on his sobs when he felt the sick freak release inside him.

A fist clenched a handful of his curls, pulling his face to the side. His attacker was wearing sunglasses. He had a cleft chin, a birthmark under his bottom lip. Part of him tried to remember every detail of him. The other part just wanted to pass out and pretend this was just a horrible, horrible nightmare.

He tried to pull back when his attacker brought a gloved hand to his mouth, tracing the blood streaming down his mouth.

“You were so good for me, babe.”

Levi shuddered as he pulled away, he couldn’t find his voice. His eyes widened as the badge he kept in his right pocket was pulled out.

His captor held up Levi's hospital badge taking a closer look at it, “Oooh _Dr. Schmitt_. Impressive. Well I’ll just keep this...If you say anything I’ll come by your job and have a little fun with you. Maybe even your boyfriend can join us.”

Levi sobbed shaking his head. He said in a soft weak voice,“Please please don’t do that....”

The heavyset man stood up, staring at Levi’s crumpled body,“Remember what I said babe. You be good.”

Levi cried out when his attacker kicked him in the side. He curl himself into a ball trying to protect himself from any other blows.

He let out a shaky breath when the steps sounded further away and the sound of the door closing. He was gone. And Levi was alone.

He shivered as the cool air ran over his naked waist and below. He slowly pulled up his pants, not buttoning his jeans before turning on his back. He shakily reached out a hand, sweeping the dirty ground as he searched for his glasses. His fingertips touched the bridge of his glasses before bringing them closer to him.

He felt lethargic and weak as he slowly stood on his two feet. He looked around the dark room searching for his his things. His legs shook as he stumbled toward the direction of where his bag had been thrown. Levi pulled out a packet of tissues, reaching back to clean himself off of his attacker's spent. The young intern almost threw up at the sight at the dots of blood on the white tissue.

He was about to toss it aside before he stopped himself.Choking back a sob Levi put it into his hoodie pocket instead. The rational part of his brain that was still working despite the trauma he had just gone through was telling him that it was evidence.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****There is sexual assault of a major character. If it triggers you please don't read****

It had taken him up a good while to summon up the courage to step outside the door. He bitterly thought how ironic his situation was. Scared of leaving the place where he’d been violated because the thought of his attacker waiting outside to trick and hurt him even more kept him frozen in fear. He winced at the sudden illumination of a car headlights filtered through the small window overhead, blaring brightly into his eyes.The second he saw the headlights flicker three times he knew it was Casey. He could finally  get out of this hellhole.

He ran outside not bothering to look back, as the door slammed shut. He ran to the car bypassing a disheveled looking Casey who had gotten out of his car to help him.

He didn't remember making the call but one second he was sitting rocking back and forth in the corner of the dark room with a hand holding his phone up to his ear, ringing. And the next he heard a groggy voice answer.

He had called Casey Parker who’d arrived quickly,looking as if he had tossed on whatever was in reach.Levi must have looked just bad as he felt since Casey looked at him in concern, taking in his dirt covered, rumpled clothes and scrapes and bruises on his face.

Levi couldn't look at the man he called a close friend as he helped him into his car.

He croaked,“Could-could you lock the doors please.”

Casey turned to face Levi, taking in his friends appearance. Levi with his head down and hands fidgeting in his laps.

He nodded,“Yea okay. No problem.”

The sound of the doors locking left them in the dark and quiet as they sat in Dr. Parker’s car. Levi stared at the cracked screen on his phone. It had worked for one phone call before completely dying.

“Levi? Buddy? I- I think we should take you to the hospital.”

Levi sighed wearily, leaning his head back. “I'm so-so I don’t even know how I feel. I just really want to go home.”

Casey was quietly taking in the visible injuries on his friend, he saw the deep scratches on his face. The blooming bruise on the right side of his face. The dried blood on his split lip. The way Levi would wince when he would move, pressing a hand to the side of his ribs.

He could still hear Levi’s broken voice ringing in his ear. 

Casey kept his eyes down, “I- I know and you have been through so much but if what I think happened to you,  _ did  _ happen then they could help you at the hospital. Start the-the rape kit. Call the police and find the-”

Levi swallowed back his sobs, his tears falling down his face silently,“He knows where I work, my name…”

Casey gripped the steering wheel tightly, “What? How can he know-”

Levi used his sleeve to wipe his face, he stared in front of him,“Took my badge like some sick trophy. Said he would find me there and hurt me. Hurt Nico. Oh crap! Crap! I forgot that I was supposed to meet him. What am I going to say to him? I was- I was ugh!”

Levi couldn’t bring himself to say it. 

Casey took a deep breath, “We can tell him when you're ready. But I- what do you want to do Levi? This is your choice. I just want to make sure you- you’re not bleeding internally or if he didn’t have-”

Levi leaned his head against the cool glass window, “Part of me wants to forget this. But the doctor side of me is saying that we should go to the hospital.”

Casey nodded,turning on his signal before beginning to drive.

“You tell me where and what you want to do buddy and I’ll help you.”

When they drove past Nico’s apartment, the lights on. Casey slowed the car, before he heard Levi murmur, “I- I want to go to the hospital.”

He made an illegal U-Turn before heading toward the direction of Grey + Sloan Memorial Hospital.

***

Levi was grateful for the slow night. It's one in the morning and there are just a couple of nurses and doctors roaming about and checking on their patients. He can’t stop turning at every tiny movement his peripheral vision would catch. He practically jumped out of his skin when he heard  Casey’s voice at his right telling him that he was safe. 

Levi had a hard time believing such a statement after what he’d just gone through.

He’d been going through the list of people he knew in the hospital that he would feel comfortable doing this examination with when he remembered hearing about Dr.Jo Karev.

Levi  texted her asking if she could meet him in an empty examination room while Casey got dressed in his spare scrubs for the day not wanting his superiors to find him in his thread bare pajamas and hoodie..

That had gotten a tight lipped smile from Levi who was waiting for a reply.

_ JO: Sure. I’ll meet you in room ###. _

Casey did not want to leave his side even though he had a long shift ahead of him starting in just a few hours. Levi had all but pushed him to go home and rest. And quietly thanked him for finding him and bringing him to the hospital.

Casey had looked at him with a fire he saw when he was working on a serious procedure.

Determination and focus.

He’d whispered to Levi as they walked through the hospital. The halls gave an eerie feel as their steps echoed.

_ “You will get better. We are here for you Levi please know that _ .”

Levi had given him a teary smile before jerkily nodding.

Now here he was knowing he would have to undress, and go through some very invasive, examinations.

But he knew he had to do it.

He tried to calm his breathing, not wanting to suddenly start hyperventilating.

He closed his eyes trying to calm his nerves at the sound of footsteps outside the door. Dr. Jo Karev walked into the room, her hair pulled up in a messy updo, the expression on her face is curious and slightly exhausted.

She offered him a tired smile before taking a seat in front of him.

“What's wrong Schmitt? Did you fall on your way here? You look like you were jumped-

She stopped speaking at the sound of a muffled sniffle that came from Levi.

She looks closer at the man who is usually a ball of anxious energy now curled in himself as if he was  trying to protect himself. From some blow about to come-

Jo starts to take in the scrapes on his face, the grime covering his clothing. The anxious bouncing of his leg. His broken glasses that cover red-rimmed, teary eyes.

She took a deep breath, “Did-did something happen to you Levi?

He gave a huff, “Yes something happened. And I'm still processing it. Look um I remember hearing how you treated that woman who was- who was raped. And I- I need someone I can trust to do the necessary tests. Please...Jo."

He looked at her for the first time in the eye since she’d entered the room. Silently asking her that he needed her help.

Jo felt her heart clench, her stomach felt as if the floor had just vanished from under her feet.  She would need to page Teddy Altman just because she’d been the one to help her.

She slowly nodded, “I’ll help you Levi. Whatever you need.”

They sat in silence. Which Levi preferred. He may have chosen the people who would help him but it didn’t mean he was ready to talk about it just yet.

God he wanted to see Nico. Feel that security the man’s beautiful low voice brought him when his anxiety would get the better of him.

Now he just wanted to feel safe. Because even in this huge building with upgraded security systems, security officers positioned at the front, and computer-controlled metal doors. He still felt just as an unsafe as he did in that room.

Dr Altman finally arrived and he could barely stand to look at her reassuring smile.

Levi had his clothes and underwear in separate plastic bags. The tissue he had kept was placed in another. He was given one of patient’s gowns to change into. He felt he was practically swimming in it. 

They’d asked if he wanted them to contact a family member or someone close.

He thought of his mother, his friends,  _ Nico _ . He didn’t want to worry them.

He shook his head,“Casey knows but he’s got this surgery to get ready for. Look I just want to get this over with please.”

Levi was asked to lay back, his body trembled under the bright lights and heavy gazes of the doctors.

They were about to start.

He felt a hand reach out for his as Dr. Altman began to examine and start the rape kit. His body and hair were thoroughly examined and documented.

He clenched at the hand when he was asked to open his legs.

Levi felt Jo’s eyes on him. He was trying to keep his focus on the bright,fluorescent lights on the ceiling until his eyes started to tear up. It helped to distract him from what was happening.

“I-I am so sorry this happened to you Levi-”

The intern shook his head, whispering, “Please stop I really don't want to talk about it.”

Jo nodded, “Okay. I hear you. Um the police will be coming soon and they’ll start asking…”

Throughout the entire procedure Levi went through the motions, giving consent when it's needed but otherwise remained completely quiet.

Jo quietly told him that she would be with him throughout the entire process. The police, statement, the aftermath.

As they waited for the police to arrive, Levi began to drift in and out of his thoughts, wondering about everything he could have done to stop this from ever happening.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll get more from Levi and Nico in the next chapter....soooo bare with me here folks!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***This does contain sexual assault of a major character. Don't read if it triggers you.***

Nico rested his head against the steering wheel, letting go a long sigh. Levi still had not responded to any of his calls or texts. He said to no one,“Where are you,sweetheart?”

The ortho fellow took a deep breath as his eyes rose to take in the soft golds and orange of light beginning to light up the sky. 

He’d called all of Levi's friends,mainly the interns asking if they had spoken or seen Levi. He’d yet to get a call back from Casey but Nico figured he was occupied doing his rounds.

Everyone who had answered him said the same thing.That they had seen him last walking towards his place after they had left a new bar they’d been driving to wanting to try for weeks.

It was 5 in the morning and Nico had driven around the city for hours, heading to any place Levi could possibly be. 

He finally decided to head to the hospital once he'd come to a very hopeful conclusion that Levi had simply decided to go home after a night of drinking and gone in early for his rounds. And had lost his phone in the process. It seemed farfetched but it was the only thing keeping him from going insane with worry.

The ortho fellow paused his walking at the sight of a couple police cars parked outside Grey + Sloan Memorial Hospital.

He absentmindedly wondered if there was some criminal being treated at the moment. He made his way into the hospital, feeling a bit self-conscious on how rumpled he must look at the moment. The bags under his eyes were probably more prominent under the harsh, bright lights of the hospital. He ran a hand down his face, feeling the light stubble on his jaw and cheeks as he fought  back a yawn. Nico barely noticed the doctors and nurses staring at him with odd expressions in their faces. As if they knew something he didn’t.

He tiredly headed toward the nurses station. He hoped they knew if Levi was in the building, flitting here and there with a dead phone.They know everything that happens.

He finds Julie sitting at the nurse station with a worried expression on her face as she talks on the phone. Julie just happens to be one of the nurses his boyfriend is very close with. They can go hours and hours talking about anything. Maybe Levi had gotten distracted by one of their conversations. Maybe.

He leans on the counter, whispering “Hey Julia have you seen-”

Julia raises her head, her eyes widen and face pales at the sight of him. If he was thinking a little clearer and not had a suspiciously missing boyfriend he would have commented on it. So he simply wrote it off as it being too early. She hangs up the phone, standing up from her seat before pulling Nico aside.

They head toward an empty corridor except for three gossiping doctors and nurses, all looking pointedly at him. She glares at them until they take the hint and scatter.

She offered a tight lipped smile at him that immediately dissolves as he asks,“Hey Julie I was wondering if you had seen Levi last night or this morning? He was supposed to meet me at my place but he never showed. He’s not answering his phone. I’m honestly getting worried-”

He brought a hand to cover the tremble in his chin. All night he’d been fighting back those thoughts that Levi could be seriously hurt or lying in a ditch somewhere.

The gnawing sensation in his stomach was making him nauseous with fear and tension. Something was off but he just didn’t know what it could be. He just needed to see Levi, see him talking and moving before him.

His chest felt tight as he choked out,“This is just not like him- “

Julie raised her hands in a placating gesture,attempting to calm the panicking doctor. She took a deep breath,“He- he he's here, Nico. Um...look something happened. I can't say much about it.”

Nico could feel his heart begin to beat faster, now that panic that had started to brew the minute Levi stopped responding to his call was growing tenfold.

Through gritted teeth,“Just tell me where is he?”

She motioned him to follow her back to the desk, as she sat down she began to write something down. He scoffed disbelievingly before he saw her nod toward the direction of the notepad she was previously writing on.

_ He’s in room ###. Go to him. _

Nico offered her a grateful smile before he practically ran to the elevators. He didn’t even notice the people he passed by as he storm down the hallways.

He was so lost in his thoughts he barely heard the not so quiet whispers from those around him.

_ Does he know? _

_ No I don’t think so. _

_ Poor guy. _

He could have sworn he could hear each beat of his heart thunder loudly in his ears as he counted down the room numbers. Once he was four rooms from Levi he noticed the police both men and women wandering up and down the hallway.

He saw a burly man standing in the middle talking to another officer. His footsteps must have alerted the aforementioned officer. He rose a hand in a ‘stop’ gesture before saying,“Excuse me sir. You can't be here.”

Nico felt a growing headache begin to pound in the back of his head. He was exhausted with worry and tension. He couldn’t stand to hear someone tell him that he couldn’t see the person he loved not when he was so close. It was the last straw.  

“Listen I'm a doctor and this is a hospital. I need to see someone very important just down this hallway. I believe i have every right to be here.”

He knew he didn’t look as threateningly or as tough as he wanted to look, he was sure the rumpled collar-shirt, and creased dress pants took that affect away. But he stood his ground.

The officer scrutinized him before stating,“You're in civilian clothing sir. I need a badge.”

Nico pulled out his hospital badge. Sighing in relief internally as the officer nods. 

“Are you here to treat Mr.Levi Schmitt?”

He immediately felt the blood drain from his face as he struggled to stay upright.

Nico sputtered,“Wh-what do you mean treat? Wait- is he hurt?! I need to see him! Let me just get to him!”

He sidestepped the officer preparing himself to make a run for it  when a strong hand stopped him from proceeding down the corridor where he could clearly see the room number Julie had told him Levi was staying in.

“Sir i need you to stay here. Mr.Schmitt is giving a statement-”

“It's Dr, Schmitt, _ sir  _ ! Wait- did...did you say ‘give a statement’? Why would he need to give one? Did he see someone get hurt? Just let me go to him…”

He spots another police officer with gloved hands looking through a very familiar-looking backpack, dirty but he had lugged it plenty of times to recognize it anywhere.

“Hey! Why do you have that?! That's Levi's! Give that to me-”

He was blocked by the officer this time.

“Dr. Kim is it? I need you to calm down. Or we will have you placed under arrest for interfering with the investigation.”

Nico felt himself get agitated at the sight of the office looking menacingly at him as Nico looked at him defiantly.

He was about to retort to the officer whose hand was straying to the handcuffs on his belt when Dr. Jo Karev stumbled upon them. Her face full of exhaustion and worry. Jo’s eyes widened at the sight of the officer and the usually calm doctor in each other’s face.

“Hey hey let him go. He's Levi's partner. He works here. I can vouch for him.”

The officer gave one last glare at Nico before taking a step back, heading to speak with another cop.

“You realize you were this close to being arrested right? Kinda stupid.”

“I know but I’m not really thinking clearly at the moment. Thanks for stepping in.”

He sighed, resting his hands on his waist completely drained. He pleaded,“Jo, what is going on? Is Levi okay? Just tell me he's okay.”

Jo took his shaking hand into her own. She nodded. “Right now it's going to be hard for him but he will be fine. He’s tough and strong. And he’ll be stronger with you so just be patient and let him tell you what happened on his own time. Okay?”

He looked at her in complete bewilderment. Everyone was being so vague. But he had to say something in response to her speech.

“Whatever it is. I’ll be there.”

Jo nodded giving him push into Levi’s direction. He felt his feet were made of lead as he finally approached the room. He turned to take in his surroundings, the halls were becoming busier as the day began. He took in a deep breath and knocked three times on the door. After he heard no response he carefully opened the door. What he saw in the middle of the room took all the air  away from his lungs.

  
***

His breathing hitched, his steps faltered at the sight of Levi curled up on the hospital bed. His small form was engulfed in too large sweats the hospital supplied it's patients.

He gasped,"Sweetheart?"

He noticed the smaller man staring at the opposite wall. His head rested on his folded hands, his mouth moving. Nico thought he could hear him say:

“It wasn't my fault, it wasn't my fault-”

Nico slowly walked toward the side Levi's gaze was focused upon. He started to immediately access for any visible injuries. It was a force of habit that he needed to fight against. His boyfriend needed support and care not another doctor. 

He was moving carefully not wanting to startle the man laying curled up in the bed.

“Levi? I'm here...babe do you-”

He saw Levi's body violently shake before he suddenly gave a strangled shout, a shout that had so much terror and fear it made Nico jump in surprise.

“NO!”

Nico was frozen as he could see the other side of Levi's face when the smaller man had turned to face him. It was swollen and bruised. Nico took in the scrapes peeking out of white bandages, the purple bruise covering almost the entire half of his face.

_ What happened to you Levi? Who-who did this to you? _

He felt his mouth struggle to push out the words. Instead he softly said, "Levi honey? Was it-was it something I said?"

He dropped to his knees at the side of Levi's bed. His heart breaking at the tears glittering in those hazel eyes he adored so much but those tears refused to fall.

He leaned closer to hear Levi murmur,”Don't call me ‘ba-babe'. I don’t like it anymore.”

Nico paused. He wanted to ask what had happened to Levi. Know just how many injuries were hidden under the clothes engulfing him. If he was in pain. But then Jo's words came to him.

_ 'Let him tell you what happened on his own time.' _

"Oh okay... okay Levi. I won't call you that. I-I don't know what happened to you, sweetheart. And you don't have to tell me anything just yet if you don't want to. Please know I'm here for you. However you need me."

Levi let out a pained sound as his fingers went to grasp the white sheet underneath him in a fierce grip. After a couple of hesitant attempts,Levi held out a pale, shaking hand toward Nico. The older doctor took it with such reverence, rubbing some warmth into the cold appendages.

Nico spotted a chair nearby not letting go of Levi's hand, he quietly asked “Can I move that chair next to you?"

Levi numbly nodded. His eyes staring at their joined hands.

Nico sat down on the cushioned chair. He wanted to sit by Leevi, take his bruised body into his arm and hold him as close as possible. But he had a strong feeling that Levi simply offering his hand to be held was hard enough for the surgical intern.

Nico gulped down the tears threatening to overcome him,“I'm here for you. Can you hear me, Levi? I’m right here with you. You’re not alone. I’m sorry that this happened to you sweetheart- God...I truly am.”

Levi’s shoulders started to shake, as he began to  cry silently to himself.

He hiccuped as he took in shaky breaths, “I want to forget this day. I wish I had never gone out. I wish I had not gone drinking. I wish more than anything that  _ he _ had not done this to me!”

The ortho fellow felt so helpless as Levi pressed his face against the pillow, his eyes free from glasses were tightly closed as he started to chant into the soft material.

Nico felt his heart break as he saw the love of his life look so terrified. Lost in his own thoughts. He moved as close as possible his temple was tickled by t Levi’s curls as he finally rested his head against the crying man's.

He couldn't help his own tears from falling down his face once he made out the words Levi was repeating so desperately to himself.

_ Why me? Why me? Why me?! _

Nico felt himself say something in return. He wasn't sure if Levi could hear over his own litany of words.

“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

  
  


 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is trying to get back to normal life but its not as easy as he thought it would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its took some time but I feel really good about this chapter.

 

The past weeks had come and gone. Some knew what happened,others had been so generous to omit his name and just had said:

“An intern got attacked on their way home.”

Others did not and well that made navigating through the vast hospital difficult to avoid stares. Nico reminded him that there were some good souls that genuinely wanted to help but weren't sure how to. 

Levi knew this but it didn’t stop his annoyance with them when they would hesitate to pat him on the arm or apologize profusely whenever they startled him. It was embarrassing and painful for him.

Despite the stares and slight babysitting coming from his friends and colleagues. Levi would tell anyone who would ask that he was not fine but he was healing. 

Physically at least.

After the numerous tests he had done had shown he was negative for any STDs;Levi felt as if he could breathe a little easier. He knew the bruises would fade, the scrapes on his face and hands would scab over and also fade away. 

He wondered if the fear and anger he felt in his body would fade along with the other aches and pains he felt in his body.

There were days Levi couldn’t bare to even step outside of his house. Other days he would lash out to Nico or anyone really for telling him that it was okay to call out sick.

Despite knowing how much he needed proper rest and sleep, Levi refused to stay away from the place he secretly feared. There had been more security added to the hospital in response to the threat Levi had reported. Even with the extra security measures, they did little to ease his mind and fear of finding  _ him _ lurking in the shadows or hiding in on-call rooms. 

But he forced himself to go on. Levi didn’t want that bastard to take control of his life. 

There were some days where he just felt numb. Levi would forget to eat, call his mother (who more than twice had made the long drive from home to Levi’s apartment), sometimes it would be too difficult to even move from his bed.

Today he had the day off and he had just taken his 3rd shower of the day. The steam of the hot shower slowly dispersed as Levi vigorously rubbed a towel through his curls. He stopped in mid-motion as he caught his reflection in the mirror. Something he’d been trying to avoid the past weeks. 

His hazel eyes carefully took in  the bruising marks fading on his hips, the scabs on his face.

The young doctor took note of how the yellow-green bruises on his naked torso were slowly fading. He sighed wearily, fighting back the memories of harsh hands groping his body. 

He shook his head stumbling out of the bathroom as he made his way to the bedroom. He heard the sound of keys and a door closing. Levi kept an ear out.  

_ Was it- _

He heard humming.

Levi smiled.

It was Nico. 

He sighed in relief. Nico had taken to making some sort of sound whenever he approached Levi from behind or entered his apartment. It was a way of giving his boyfriend a heads up. It had been difficult to tell Nico just how frightened he got whenever he was home alone and Nico knew how jumpy he’d become and only wanted to help his boyfriend.

He turned around at the sound of knocking at the door despite it being opened. 

“Hey honey I ordered some take out on my way here. Did you eat something already?”

Levi looked down at the drawer he was sorting through, avoiding the question. He hated seeing that worried look on Nico’s face whenever he heard Levi wasn’t eating. 

Levi let his shirt fall over his body, noticing how loose it felt. He knew he’d lost weight, his mother, friends, and even Nico had pointed out this fact more than once. They then would proceed to offer copious amounts of food for him to eat. All of which would make him feel sick.

Nico walked further into the bedroom, dressed in normal clothing. Levi could see how tired he was after a long day at the hospital but he still managed to look so beautiful.

He’d basically started living there since the attack.

“Are you okay? You're kinda quiet. Did something happen at work?”

Nico came out wearing his spare lounging clothes.It was a night in it seemed. 

Nico sat on the bed. 

“Why didn’t you call me?”

Levi furrowed his brow  in confusion, reaching for his phone on the bedside table. He saw no missed calls or messages. Odd.

“What? When? I  thought I answered your calls during your breaks.”

Nico stared at Levi for a moment before lowering his eyes to the rug, he whispered,” I meant the night of the attack. Why didn’t you call me? I could have looked for you sooner and maybe stopped him-”

It all came spilling out. All those thoughts and questions that Nico had held back. All of  it was coming out and NIco could not hold himself back any longer.

And neither could Levi.

“Stop! Stop talking right now.”

It was deadly quiet. He could hear the sounds of the cars rushing down below in the streets.

“Really?”

Nico felt a cold shiver run down his spine at the sound of Levi's voice. It had gone low and tight as if he was restraining himself from yelling. He could also hear some other emotions underlying Levi’s tone. 

_ Betrayal _

_ Anger _

"That's what you have been wondering?  _ Why didn't I call you?  _ Why didn't I call my boyfriend. Perfect Nico. Mr fix everything. Because you would have fixed me up in a second."

The shorter man roughly pulled down his hoodie he felt as if there was always a chill in any room he entered. 

Levi turned around facing Nico who was standing as if he was about to run after Levi

"I-I was still processing what had just happened to me by the time Casey came to pick me up. I didn't even want to say the word ‘rape’ because I was scared that by saying it it would mean that it had really happened. And now I'm further astounded that my boyfriend has spend time wondering why  _ I  _ didn't call  _ him _ to come save me."

He continued, “As if I was some damsel in distress. I fought Nico. I fought back I didn't just lay there while he forced me down and take it. No! I...I tried to escape I did! I tried I really did!"

Nico’s heart just about broke at how desperate Levi was in telling him that, as if Nico did not believe him. He could see how Levi was fighting so hard to stop himself from reliving those horrible moments. 

Levi closed his eyes as those memories he fought to keep away from the front of his brain started to slither through the walls he’d created since the attack.

Those rough scratchy hands, that foul breath, his own cries and whimpers being drowned out by his attackers grunts-

_ Oh god he needed another shower. He needed to throw up- _

Levi gave a shout when firm gentle hands took hold of his hands that were tangled in his mess of curls.

Nico was holding back tears after seeing Levi pull on his own hair without even realizing it.

_ “I-I was just a couple of blocks away why didn’t you-” _

“You seriously want to know why I didn’t call you after I was assaulted. Why I didn’t ask for you right away after being attacked walking the exact route I always take to get to your place-

Nico held out his hands in a placating manner, he could hear the panic in Levi’s rising voice.

“Sweetheart please please just take a breath. You’re going to hyperventilate. Just please just calm down-”

Levi whipped around to face a stunned Nico.

God he knew he must look crazy. His hair in tangles, his face flushed and covered in tears. His nose must be dripping. Ugh he felt like a train wreck.

“No no I will not calm down! I was raped Nico! I should not have been on my phone. Or wearing my earphones, or gone drinking with my friends. I should have sucked up my pride and just asked you for a ride. But I wanted to walk. Clear my head. And  _ he _ happened. “

Nico kept silent wanting Levi to speak what he’s been keeping bottled inside.

“The reason I didn't call you was because I was thinking about all the “what if” ‘s? I was busy worrying about getting a disease. What if he came back to kill me? I went through so many thoughts in a few seconds. I just knew that I needed to get out there but at the same time I was terrified of even leaving the place. So sorry if I didn’t think of calling my boyfriend.”

Nico had his head bowed, his bottom lip tucked in between his teeth.

Levi softly uttered, “Then when I did start coming to terms with what had happened as I was examined. I thought of you. I couldn't-couldn’t let you see me that broken and damaged. Not you. To see you look at me the way you have since I told you what he did. Like you have to walk on eggshells around me.”

He heard soft footsteps behind him, feeling the warm reassuring grip of his boyfriend as Nico took Levi gently by the shoulders, his hands going to cup Levi’s face. 

Levi looked up gasping softly at the tears streaming down Nico’s handsome face

Nico took a deep breath resting a hand against his chest. Taking a calming breath in before slowly releasing it. 

"I don't want to fight. I’m sorry Levi, it's terribly selfish of me to make what happened to you about me. But please please you have to know that I would have been there. I swear I would have been there.”

The smaller man wiped the tears from his face,“But you weren't and it's okay Nico. It wasn't your fault.”

"Nor was it yours."

Levi looked up into Nico’s face so honest and open. A watery smile on his flushed, teary face.

"I think it was.”

Nico shook his head fervently,"No no no honey. It wasn't we have talked about it.”

Levi crossed his arms over his chest. Something he did when he did not want to talk. Normally Nico would step back and give Levi his space but to hear that the man he loved honestly thought that he was the reason for the attack was just too terrible to bear.

He repeated. He would repeat it until his jaw fell off.

“What happened to you wasn’t your fault. “

He followed Levi’s movement as he sighed at the statement. 

Nico persisted,“I need you to know that. It was nothing you did that made that bastard attack you. He’s a vile cruel man. I know you hate it when I say this but I’m sorry this happened to you. You were so brave in reporting it.”

Nico soothingly rubbed Levi’s back as he slowly burrowed himself against Nico’s chest, “You called someone to help you and I will be forever grateful to Casey in finding you and bringing you to the hospital. I searched for you the moment you stopped answering my texts or phone calls. It pains me to think you were there terrified in pain while I thought that you were just running late having gotten caught up talking to Julie or making a run to the store.”

Levi looked up hearing at the emotions in Nico's deep voice,“Shh...sh no don’t do that.”

Nico whispered, “I’m sorry...I’m really sorry.”

Levi took Nico’s hand. 

He sighed,“Look um the detectives called me about coming in to possibly identify the rapist. They believe they have found a lead and I really don’t want to go alone. I was wondering if you-”

Nico didn’t let him finish the sentence,“Wherever you are I’ll be there.”

Levi offered him a soft smile, before he went to finish getting ready. He felt Nico give his hand a soft squeeze before nodding.

Once he finished, Levi found Nico in the living room, sandwiches from his favorite kosher deli covered the coffee table. He noticed his plate set up covered to the brim with food. All his favorites.

Maybe he could have a quick bite.

The second he took his first bite of sandwich he noticed with a fond smile how Nico looked a little relieved at seeing him eat without him gently encouraging him to do so.

He took a couple of more bites, feeling a little more energized.

After a trip downtown, and taking a seat with one of the detectives. Levi realized just how much he would regret eating so much. 

Mugshots of several possible attackers were given to him to see and identify if he any of them looked familiar. 

He leafed through the photos not seeing any face that rang a bell, it wasn't until the fifth page that his breathing hitched and his eyes widened in terror at the sight of a face he would never forget. 

All those memories of his attacker’s face that plagued his nightmares came. And as he ran for the nearest trash can so did his lunch.  

He couldn’t remember what the detectives said, but during the night where he laid in bed, exhausted from the day’s event he could faintly hear Nico repeat to him until he dozed off.

“They’re going to find the bastard, Levi. I promise.”

Levi almost believed him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

Levi grunted as he failed to block the kick to his right, he fell sprawled across the blue mat. Despite the padded guards surrounding his chest, legs and forearms and to make things a little more humiliating the helmet, he heard Nico immediately start apologizing. Like he always did when they sparred together.

“Oh, that was a little aggressive. Sorry-super sorry sweetheart.”

He blinked the sweat out of his eyes as he stared at the ceiling above. He sighed more out of annoyance that he felt like an upside turtle rather than someone who had just had his butt kicked.

"Stop saying sorry. I should have moved faster. Again."

Nico shook his head fondly as he held out a hand out for Levi to take.

"Really Levi? We've been at this for some time now. How about a break-"

Levi ripped the velcro from under his chin to take the protective helmet off. 

He huffed,"Is someone too tired? Or perhaps scared that I'm getting better than them?"

Levi offered what he hoped was a cocky smile to Nico hoping to lessen the tension.

"Oh it's definitely because you're getting better but you're also pushing yourself too hard."

Levi was keeled over a hand resting on his chest, he could feel his heart pounding. 

 "I don't want you to go easy on me. I need this, Nico. You told me that you wanted to teach me and I agreed but under the pretense that you would teach me as a student and not your boyfriend." 

Nico remembered how Levi almost refused to go out in fear of encountering his attacker and had as casually and as subtly as he could offered Levi some Tae Kwon Do lessons. 

 _‘It could help you feel a little more safer if you know how to physically defend yourself. I could teach you.’_  

He saw the fire in those mossy eyes, the determination set in Levi’s almost perfect ready stance.

"Fine. "

Levi smiled softly,” Great."

“But you still have to wear your helmet, sweetheart.”

He ignored Levi rolling his eyes at him as he went to put the helmet over sweat matted curls. He pulled levi in for a kiss as he attached the velcro pieces together.

 Levi’s hands rested on his chest after they parted. Nico rested his forehead against Levi’s.

 "First thing. Fists need to be closed. Thumb outside. You'll break it if it's not. Feet apart, knees bend. And-”

 Levi looked up into warm dark brown eyes. He couldn’t help the butterflies fluttering like mad in his belly whenever he saw that look from his boyfriend. A look that showed absolute tenderness and love. 

"You _are_ doing good-so good."

“Like good enough to get one of those yellow belts or like…”

 Nico laughed, “Tell you what you block three hits and my no will be a soft maybe.”

 The smaller man pouted, but the Asian man could see the hint of a smile beginning to form.

 

****

Levi felt as if he was slowly going back to his normal self, his constant looking over the shoulder was becoming less and less. The aches and pains on his body were gone. 

He had his appetite back which he could tell on Nico and his mother’s face was a relief. His co-workers seemed to have gotten the hint that he did not find their hovering to be helpful and now asked if he was okay 2 times a day instead of 5. 

Yes, it felt as if things were going back to how they were before.

Fighting for surgeries, studying till his eyes dried themselves out, finding moments to simply take a second for himself and try to breathe. 

Then he would go home and the lights would be turned off and those thoughts that he would fight off the entire day had no where else to go but run to the front of his mind.

Sensing Levi’s restlessness,Nico would reach for his hand and draw him close to him. Once Levi settled against the older doctor’s chest he would be lulled to sleep by Nico’s soft snores and those warm, muscle corded arms that circled his body made him feel a little more safe.

He whispered,“Did you lock the doors?”

Nico breathing hitched before he croaked, “Yes double checked them. Locked the windows. Levi I promise you, you’re safe here.”

Levi hoped he would feel that certainty some day.

“Okay.”

 

 *******  

“Hey Levi so I was wondering if you wanted to have a little study party at my place tonight.”

Levi looked up from his lunch to the eager faces of his friends/ colleagues. 

“Really? Will actual studying be happening?

Helm nodded very seriously,“Of course. Once we’re done eating junk food and drinking some deliciously made cocktails by yours truly then I’m sure if there is time we will get some studying done.”

Levi smiled at his friends who were all looking at him earnestly. He had missed spending time with them the past couple of weeks. 

“I don’t know guys. The chief and everyone else have been so patient giving me time to- to heal. And to just waste it on drinking-”

Taryn must have seen him slowly begin to withdraw into himself, as she quickly suggested:

“Okay no drinking, how about pizza and soda. And some incredibly awesome superhero movies that you are more than welcomed to make nerdy comments on. Unless a certain Captain Marvel or Valkyrie is speaking or at any time present on the screen.”

Well who could say no to that. Plus Nico was working late tonight and the thought of going home alone was something he was not looking forward to.

He acquiesced with a nod and a soft “okay sounds fun”.

Levi jumped slightly in his seat at the sound of their loud cheers. They didn’t care if the other doctors sitting around them noticed their antics. 

Seeing them so excited and happy made him feel certain that it had been the right decision.

Levi could see just how much it meant to them to hear he was going to join them and spend some time goofing off. He wondered how long they’d been waiting to ask. 

The young intern began to scroll through his phone because it was a habit that simply could not be helped in this day and age.

He heard Helm begin to assign jobs like the leader she truly was. 

“So I was thinking we could meet right after our shift? Qadri you got the-

She chirped,“Chips and dip you bet. “

Helm turned to face Casey who was patting Levi encouragingly on the shoulder.

“And Casey you got the-?”

He turned to face Taryn with a mischievous smile,“The movies that I may or may not have downloaded ahead of time are ready.”

“And Levi can simply bring your wonderful self and those incredibly detailed notes that we all know you take.”

There was silence.

Casey turned in his seat to face Levi. He saw the smaller man sitting in his seat staring at his phone intently, he could see Levi’s hand shaking from how hard it gripped the cellphone. 

“Levi? Levi? I was just kidding. Can you hear me? Is he having a panic attack?”

They tried to as calmly as possible bring Levi back to the present. They remembered those days right after the attack where he would suddenly drift off, get this far away gaze in his eyes. All of which happened before he started to have a panic attack. 

But they did not see him hyperventilate or his eyes twitch. He simply was frozen staring at his phone screen. 

Levi couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His eyes skimmed through it once, twice, three times before he finally comprehended what it was saying.

 **Suspect Apprehended** _:Man who has raped and beaten several young men all different ages and races has been found and arrested. One of the victims a doctor at Seattle Grey + Sloan Memorial Hospital…._

_Seattle can now rest easier tonight….._

Everything seemed so muffled, the only sound was the blood pounding in his ears. The chatter from his friends had died down, despite seeing their concerned faces staring intently at his own.

He scrambled out from his spot at the table, ignoring the calls from his friends as he headed toward the doors. He couldn’t believe it. After weeks of living in fear, wondering if today would be the day _he_ would return. All those tormented thoughts would be put to rest. 

It seemed so unreal.

He barely registered hearing  someone yell, “Hey no running!” 

But he continued he needed to find Nico.

He slid across the floor, his shoes squeaking as he pivoted around at the sound of his name being called. 

“Levi I I just saw the news about the-”

Nico took a few slow steps toward the panting man who was holding back his sobs. A hand pressed against his mouth, trying to cover the tremble of his chin.

“It's okay Levi what you're feeling it's okay- oof!”

Suddenly Nico had an armful of Levi in his arms, clinging to him fiercely while crying into his neck as he repeated,”It's true right? My brain isn’t just making this up? They got him right? They got the bastard? Please tell me I’m not seeing things.”

“Yea sweetheart they got him.This is real.” 

Nico held the smaller trembling man against his body tighter, holding back his own tears at the relief he could feel in Levi’s body and voice.

“Finally.”

It felt as if a heavy weight was lifted from his back and shoulders, as if the colors of the world seemed a little brighter. Like he could breathe again.

Nico was grateful for how random these on call rooms were located in the hospital. He practically carried a clinging Levi in his arms toward one nearby. Thankfully it was empty as he sat them on a cushy couch. He set Levi on top of his lap. Levi’s sobs were becoming quieter and quieter, his breathing was calming down as he inhaled Nico’s cologne and the scent of coffee in his white coat.  

He looked up at Nico who had maneuvered them into laying down, Levi rested on top of his chest while Nico held him around the waist. The other hand wiped the tears clinging to Levi’s eyelashes.

“I was so scared-so scared of him coming here. Finding me. Finding you.”

Nico pressed a kiss against the mess of curls tickling his chin,“I know you were scared. So was I to be honest. They’re going to lock him up, Levi. He won’t hurt you again.”

There was no doubt in Levi’s mind that it was true. That low-life would be locked away and Levi, well he would have those moments where he would remember that night and his thoughts would get the better of him. But as he looked up into Nico’s eyes, Levi  knew that he would be okay and one day, better than okay. For now he felt the tension in his body ebb away as he curled himself against Nico who in return strengthened his hold on Levi’s waist.

“Just rest for a while Levi. I texted your friends and they said they’d cover for you.”

Levi didn’t think he would actually fall asleep but hearing the sound of Nico’s heartbeat, that reassurance that terror he’d gone through would now face justice well it was all too comforting. His eyes began to droop and he was sure that Nico was talking to someone but sleep called to him.

“How are you Mama Schmitt? Oh you saw the news? Yea... yea it's true. They got him. Levi well he’s- he’s sleeping right now…”

Levi had no nightmares for the first time in ages and Nico despite having lost feeling to his right shoulder had no complains as he saw his lover finally get some peace.   

  
  


x.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is it! We have reached the end. Thanks for reading, thanks for the comments and kudos. Can't wait for Grey's Anatomy to start so we can get more of these two!


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